How to Look Like a Beauty Ad

Step 1: Morning routine

Be awakened by your publicist at 6 am to begin prepping for the day ahead. Don’t even bother to wash your face because all of that will be taken care of for you. Seriously, your makeup artist’s assistant will take more time removing any vestiges of oil and makeup from your skin than you ever have.

While this is going on, a small army made up of the makeup artist, hairstylist, fashion stylist, photographer and all of their assistants will stare at you as they discuss your look for the day, even though in all likelihood there have been five to seven conference calls on this topic already.

Step 2: Hair

Prepare to have your hair doubled in length and volume by your hairstylist. That’s right, no longer should you feel insecure about what you feel are listless locks.

You’re not alone — you just feel like you are because a fair percentage of Hollywood starlets and models in ads have some extra oomph added for shoots in the form of hair extensions. These would have been dyed ahead of time to match your hair (which has already been touched up by your top notch colorist for around $400-$800 depending on your process).

QUIZ: How Healthy is Your Hair?

Step 3: Makeup

Sit in a chair for hours while no less than four people will be solely focused on making sure your skin looks wrinkle- and blemish-free, your eyes appear wide and bright (thanks to individually placed fake eyelashes!), and every hint of frizz is removed from your hair so it shines and bounces as if on command.

Your team will fuss over every flyaway and errant brow hair. This will continue once every minute or so, for the rest of the day.

Step 4: Clothes

Move from hair and makeup to the styling room where a team of fashion folks will stuff you (in case you’re not skinny enough) into fabulously expensive designer clothes.

As one experienced fashion stylist describes, your stylist will walk onto the set “every 30 seconds pulling, pushing, draping, de-fuzzing, and re-clamping, all so the reader can throw the [magazine] into the recycling bin 10 seconds after she’s flipped the last page.” (Often in disgust/mild panic, because those pants don’t look like that on her…little does she know how much work went into the photo of those pants…)

This same stylist who has worked on countless national magazine spreads and ad campaigns tells us: “I’ve always wanted to do a shoot from the back, so people could see the inordinate amount of pins, clamps, fake hair, wind machines, duct tape and boxes of ‘chicken filet’ boob enhancers that are used.”

MORE: Rebecca Taylor’s Tips for Dressing Your Body

Step 5: Touch ups

Though you’ve been dubbed flawless by various experts throughout the day, you will need to be made even more so by a genius with a computer who will retouch away any sign that you have aged past 20 with the magic flick of a wand on a computer.

Things that will also disappear: Any and all ripples of “extra weight” on various parts of your body and, god forbid, a piece of frizz missed by the hairstylist who was paid thousands of dollars to look out for this very thing. Miniscule mascara clump? Yep, that’s erased too.

Perfection: It’s just that simple!

COLUMN: Every Woman Can Be Beautiful