The Bewildered Man: Severely Straight Hair
He's just confused. What happened to Goldilocks? She bought herself a Chi
Wow, women of America, you've straightened your hair. You've really straightened your hair. Couldn't be any straighter. What do you call that? Limp? It's pointy, actually. Like a headdress of chopsticks. No, we don't hate it. It's a little severe maybe, but it works on some level. Why aren't you moving your head? Right, that'll mess it up. Can we touch it? No? Okay. All the celebrities are wearing their hair like that? Reese Witherspoon. Nicole Kidman. Well, there you go: You look like a celebrity. But sort of intractable and cold, like an ancient statue —of a goddess who is pissed off. Or John Lennon. Not like you at all, really. Not like when your hair was textured, thick, soft, imperfect, and you could move it around, and you looked, you know, human. It'll wash out in the morning, right? Whatever. Tonight, your scent is intoxicating, that dress is beautiful, and your hair, well, it's just really damn straight.
— Esquire magazine