before the hairstyleBefore the “blow-out”

Mars Attacks!

When I heard my name called, the beginning of knots started to build in my stomach. I was guided to a spot at the bar and sat down. The first thing my stylist said to me was, “Let me go find someone who knows how to deal with this kind of hair.” Personally, I was not superbly offended by that statement, but my manager who became my advocate through this whole ordeal, was offended enough for both of us. If she hadn’t been there, I probably would have jumped out of the chair grabbed some more hors d’oeuvres and high-tailed it out of there. Instead, her firm resolve kept me in the chair and we waited and waited while my stylist went to look for someone who could tame the alien beast on top of my head. No, I do not feel that way about my hair, but the treatment I received, the way the salon handled the situation made me feel like some kind of extraterrestrial.

Each of the subsequent salon employees who came up to try to “deal” with me and my hair seemed to be trying to appease me with euphemisms while actually meaning, “You may have come in peace, but we’d really appreciate it if you would get the heck off of our planet!”

The Day the Earth Stood Still

There was a lot of waiting, during which I felt more and more embarrassed and foolish for even coming. These are the things I heard from salon employees while sitting in that salon chair:

“I can’t work with it [meaning my hair]!”

“It’s too short!”

“Uh, uh, not with these nails, I can’t.” (Those nails were at least two inches long, which made me wonder how it was possible for her to even do straight hair properly.”>

“Since we are only offering complimentary dry styling and your hair is so kinky, there’s not much we can do, so…” (…so please, please leave, I’m begging you!”>

“We really can do every type of hair, but we would want to start with a shampoo to get the best results for you, so we really hope you’ll come back when you can get a full blow-out service.” (I was told this story about four times by the same employee, because, aliens are also hard-of-hearing.”>

Really? Because your head stylist, said to me, “This is a learning experience, because you know, I don’t really have many clients (try any clients…at all”> who come in with your hair type.”

As you can tell, they were very professional and honest with me! I apologize if you didn’t have a cup big enough to catch the sarcasm dripping from the previous sentence. I’ll wipe that up later.

Read More: 10 Worst Things Your Stylist Can Say

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