A mother discusses the natural and chemical options for kid's hair!
I was 10 years old when my mother started taking me to the salon for a perm. You see, I have limp, lifeless hair that needs a lot of help, so every few months I would endure the chemicals, the smell, and the ugly phase of the white girl perm in hopes of making my baby-fine hair wavy. At the same time, I also remember watching Solid Gold with my parents and asking Mom how Gladys Knight’s hair was able to move back and forth with such ease as she sang. I had never seen a black person’s hair move with such freedom. Mother’s answer was a perm.
Wow! I was in awe of the process for many years as I watched my black classmates in Hattiesburg, Miss., perm their hair regularly. Eventually, I stopped perming my hair, and they did, too. I was blown away when my hair stylist used a giant round brush to shape my hair without chemicals or a vat of product. I jumped out of the chair and shouted, “Why have I been paying all this money to perm my hair for all these years when you could make it look like this with a brush and a hair dryer!” I was liberated! No more sinus-altering chemicals, no more waiting 2 days to wash my hair, no more ugly phase! I was free!
A similar phenomenon was taking place in the black salons at the same time. Increasing numbers of women of color were choosing to maintain natural hair styles, which meant no chemical treatments. I think the shift in hair care has a lot to do with self-acceptance and the perceived image of beauty. I mean, after all, why did black women apply chemicals to their hair in the first place? To make it appear more like that of white women. Perhaps as women embrace who they are on the inside, we crown our bodies with acceptance and love in the way we treat our hair.
As the mother of three African-American daughters, I am the first to admit it would be tremendously easier to perm their hair, making it straighter and more manageable. On average, I spend five hours a week on hair (not my own). Hair is a big deal at my house and, yet, I have chosen not to chemically alter my children’s hair for my own convenience and comfort. Why?
- There are locks on my kitchen cabinets that contain poisonous chemicals. I make a conscious effort for my children to avoid placing chemicals on or in their bodies and that extends to their hair. It didn’t make sense to the mother in me to put my babies in a position where they might be burned or scarred. After watching Chris Rock’s documentary called “Good Hair,” I feel even better about that decision.
- Perms are expensive and require regular upkeep. Remember the part in Steele Magnolias when Dolly Parton says she doesn’t trust people who do their own hair? Well, I don’t either. I believe in the power of the salon and if we’re doing something potentially dangerous, we’re doing it with professionals and that costs more money than I care to spend at this stage in the game.
- I love their curls! I spent so many years trying to make my hair something it isn’t and now my babies have what my hair doesn’t—curl. I love their hair because it is so much of who they are. I want them to always be true to who they are. I tell them they are perfect just the way God made them. I certainly don’t want them to be any more “white” than they already are having white parents.
It is a deeply personal decision whether or not to perm your child’s hair and I am in no way saying my way is right. I just wanted to share with you why I feel the way I do and I would love you to do the same for me. Tell me what you think! To perm or not to perm—that is the question.
This entry was posted on Monday, July 12th, 2010 at 1:00 am and is filed under Celebrity, Kids, Kinky Hair (Type 4a), Perms, Relaxing. You can follow any comments to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a comment. Pinging is currently not allowed.
July 14th, 2010 at 7:24 am
“I think the shift in hair care has a lot to do with self-acceptance and the perceived image of beauty. I mean, after all, why did black women apply chemicals to their hair in the first place? To make it appear more like that of white women. Perhaps as women embrace who they are on the inside, we crown our bodies with acceptance and love in the way we treat our hair.”
im really tired of people thinking that just because you get a relaxer in your hair you want to look like a white women. NOT always true. If you have kinky and or curly hair you know it takes a LOT of care and time that you simply just don’t always have. I used to get relaxers for that very reason. took less time to do it before school. I don’t get them anymore since i know the damaging truth behind them. which is purely chemical and NOT psychological. Besides all that i would miss my curls too much so i’d rather make time than damage my scalp and hair. do white women tell other white women that they want to be black because they get a perm? highly doubt it. some people are not happy with what they are born with. some are. for whatever reason. hair, facial features skin color, whatever. It doesn’t matter as long as you are doing what makes you happy and you are not hurting anyone else in the process. This comment is for weaves too. sometimes you just want a style that lasts long and is easy to maintain yet you do not want to damage your hair in the process. what makes the black women getting wash and press so different from those who take a more permanent approach? the only difference is less damage. as for me i will never go back to chemicals BUT i will always wear weaves and maybe even a wig if i feel like it. I like to change styles and use heat more than i would on my own hair so it makes sense to buy some hair…do whatever you want to it then throw it away when you’re done…protecting your natural hair in the process. whatever suits my mood and that doesn’t make me any less proud of my curly top and any less proud to be a black woman. just take care of it and yourself no matter what you do to it. you can still be “true to yourself” and “happy what God gave you” no matter what you do.IT’S JUST HAIR and its quite ridiculous that people make such a big deal out of it.
July 14th, 2010 at 1:19 pm
Yes, I have made the decision not to perm or texturize my 9 year old daughter’s hair. I prayed for a a little girl with long thick hair and I got her. What I left out is that she would not be tenderheaded. As much as i would LOVE to process her hair. I just can’t. We just got to work it out together until and we will. That’s why I love this site because it’s helping me so much.
July 14th, 2010 at 6:56 pm
Thank you for sharing your story. You were so dead on. In so many ways we take the easy way out whether due to convenience or ignorance. Natural hair is a lot of work but it is also beautiful in all its states: kinky, curly wavy or straight. Exposing children to chemicals unnecessarily is such a horrible move. If you like straighter hair use a blow dryer or a flat iron. You are teaching your girls that they are beautiful just as they are!
July 17th, 2010 at 2:17 pm
Thanks, ladies, for your input! Misso84 – You raise a very valid point and I appreciate the feedback. Isn’t it wonderful that we have options? Curly, straight, long, short – we can do whatever! Be beautiful my friends!
July 21st, 2010 at 7:34 am
@pinkmama…I love your blogs! Thanks for taking the time to learn about black hair and for teaching your girls to be proud of who they are…kinks, coils, curls and all!! They will greatly appreciate that! Be Blessed!
July 27th, 2010 at 7:03 am
I think this was an awesome blog and I love your perspective on this subject. I see so many “pink mothers with brown babies” (I love that! lol) who have no idea what to do what their daughter’s hair so they slap a relaxer on it. I even had a friend who called her daughter’s hair “bad,” which made me angry. But I applaud you for loving your babies’ hair and learning to manage it. Good job mama!
August 3rd, 2010 at 8:09 pm
AS a pink mom with 3 little brown babies just like you – this is refreshing to hear – When my daughter was 5 – I had a friend who owned a ethnic salon and she convinced me my daughter HAD to have her hair texturized. I didn’t know any better and decided to trust the “expert.” As my daughter was having the relaxer washed out of her hair, I was watching clumps of her hair wash down the sink… My friend advised me that this was “normal.” Well it wasn’t. My daughter lost clumps of hair out of the back of her head. I began to cry. All those years of caring for that hair and coaxing it to grow went down the drain along with the hair… My daughter is now 7 and has a GORGEOUS head of natural curls and we LOVE to style it together!!!! Please pink mommas, educate yourself about curly hair and ask lots of questions before making any drastic decisions about your child’s hair!!! I hope you can learn from my mistake!
October 11th, 2010 at 6:47 pm
DO they mean MIXED kids or white mothers who adopt black kids? There is a big difference. Having mixed hair is very versatile and it is not that hard to work with. In fact you have MORE options. Anyways good to get these stories out there.
May 13th, 2011 at 12:39 pm
Great! I agree…my mom didn’t allow chemicals until I was in college and out of her house
@mixedchica- there isn’t a big difference. All curls/coils are versatile. That’s what the author has discovered