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Why Can't I Look Like You? Advice for Parents of Biracial Curlies

As society is becoming increasingly multicultural, there is growing knowledge about what it means to be a biracial child. And there is growing awareness about the unique challenges if the child's skin color and hair texture are completely different than her mother's.

Help her embrace her curls.

When Stacey Canfield looked at her hair in the mirror as a child, she felt like an ugly duckling.

“My mother, who is white, struggled with my hair until I was at the age where I could take over," recalls Canfield, founder of the Blended Beauty hair-care line for multiracial curlies. "There was never a time when she knew how to do my hair at all. It was really hard."

She has not forgotten the harrowing hardships of her biracial tresses.

"I created the company because I wanted to help other children avoid having to go through that ugly duckling stage," Canfield says.

As society is becoming increasingly multicultural, there is growing knowledge about what it means to be a biracial child. And there is growing awareness about the unique challenges if the child's skin color and hair texture are completely different than her mother's.

"It’s not necessarily that the parents don’t try," Canfield says. "It can just be so difficult.”

With a Japanese mother and black father, Titi and Miko Branch can empathize with the curl confusion surrounding multicultural manes.

“A lot of parents who come to us feel totally exhausted and hopeless because they haven’t found what they’re looking for,” says Titi Branch, who owns Miss Jessie's Salon in Brooklyn, N.Y. and Miss Jessie's hair-care products with her sister, Miko. “They want to learn how to handle the hair.”

The first step, Titi Branch says, is to acknowledge that your child’s hair is different.

“A lot of mommies with biracial kids might approach it like they approach their own straight hair," Titi Branch says. "But biracial hair is fragile and prone to dryness. It really needs moisture. You have to use specific products to add the moisture, which is different from what a parent with straight hair might be used to."

Curl experts say there are so many options today that you don’t have to resort to the drastic measures of the past.

“If you get through the struggle, your child will get through it,” says Canfield. “Once you have the right products and the hair is healthy and conditioned, it’s not as tough as it seems.”

One of the most common mistakes parents make when they don't understand how to control their child’s curls and kinks is to chop it off in frustration.

“A lot of young girls are living with really short hair -- probably the same hair that their brothers would have,” Stacey says. "So they lose their femininity.”

Kim Etheridge, who is biracial, recalls her white mother cutting her hair off when she was growing up.

"It was too hard for her to deal with," says Etheridge, the co-founder of Mixed Chicks, a hair-care line for multiracial curlies.

Other frustrated parents of biracial children may rely on a relaxer as a seemingly quick fix. But it can be a disaster, according to curl experts.

“Although relaxers may be necessary in different circumstances, chemicals are not the way to go,” Etheridge says. “When you put a relaxer in the hair it does more damage. I’ve seen so many cases where the hair breaks and falls out. It can really hurt the child emotionally because their hair is very damaged.”

If you must use a chemical treatment, research the right salon and don’t do it at home.

“Out of frustration and panic, parents end up turning their child’s hair into an experiment, going to different salons for a variety of chemical services,” says Titi Branch. “You have to be very careful. You don’t want to use multiple chemical services because your child’s hair may not recover from it. Often, when these mommies come into the salon, it almost becomes a training session.”

When Miko Branch is working with a biracial child in the salon, she often calls the mom over to get involved, showing her how to wash the hair, condition it and detangle it.

Parents need to learn about the unique texture of their child's hair, and what it needs.

“You have to use specific products to add the moisture, which is different from what a parent with straight hair might be used to," Titi Branch says.

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"I wish I wasn’t biracial. I wish I was white,’ a lot of the time that’s not what they mean. They just mean, ‘I wish I had nice hair that didn’t give you the struggle." Actually, when I said (and sometimes still feel) that I wish I wasn't mixed, it was because I didn't (still don't) want the hair that gave ME so much trouble
my boyfriends daughter is mexican and black and when her hair is wet it pretty much hangs straight and curls back up as it dries. I want to know what miss jessies product i could use on her hair to make her curls more defined. her mom usually piles grease in it. (she's mexican) her hair is really soft and fine and not thick at at so i would like to try something that wont weigh her hair down...plz help!!!

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