Okay, here goes:
Just because I don't drive hours to see you doesn't mean I'm not involved in your life! How is it you are able to have so much patience with the prostitutes and alcoholics you work with, yet when it comes to your sister you can only say, "You better it together soon." So what if I don't want to go to church right now? That doesn't mean I love you less.
Seriously, JJ, you need to start doing your own damn geology work! And look at the stupid syllabus. It's right there! Then you wouldn't have to call me and say, "What's due tomorrow?" Dude, we aren't in high school, okay? You're 23. Get some responsibility.
To the cute boy who has been sitting one seat closer to me each class: Get some balls and ask me out! Or just sit next to me! Or just let me look at you a lot, because you are a super cutie. Plus, you make a nice distraction from homeboy down front who spits tobacco in a coffee cup and takes off his shirt to show me his tatoos.
Oh, this feels good. I'm sure I'll be back later!