I know the feeling. My hair hates everything and you know its bad when born and bred West Africans tell you how nappy your hair is.
What I have found so far is protein is pretty much not my friend I would hate to say enemy but... My hair loves Jamaican Black Castor Oil to seal and mixed with other oils for a hot oil rinse. I recently bought Taliah Waajid Protective Mist Bodifier to spray twists and soften and I really like it. Cones and me do not mix not even a little. I use black soap to wash my hair.
In order to get anything to work I have to mix like a fiend. I.e. for my rinse out onditioner was I may mix Bedhead Moisture Maniac with Jane Carter Solutions deep conditioner. Same thing for deep conditioners I also usually add oil. To get my hair touchable during styling I will do a leave in conditioner, layer with another moisturizer (I use Jessicurl WDT
for this until I am done with it then more investigating), I will twist/style with a creamy styler such as Jane Carter twist and lock or Curls Whipped Cream
, then I would seal the ends with JBCO or Qhemet's Heavy Cream. I always deep condition and/or hot oil rinse sometimes both.
Hope this helps.