slinky, I would really like to encourage you to talk to someone. I am not trying to be snarky or rude, I am concerned about you. You have many angry and negative posts directed both towards yourself and others. I really think your negative self image and destructive attitude are really starting to affect your perception.
You may even be able to find a call center or helpline if you cannot afford counseling.
Please think about it.
Better everyone think your a fool, than to open your mouth and prove them right.
Perception is not reality.