The Poop is hitting the Fan!! (Long)
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Join Date: Oct 2002
: The Poop is hitting the Fan!! (Long)
OK this is going to be long. This is partly a vent, partly a request for advice ... Where to start
Let's just say the poop has hit the fan for my Ex, let's call him "Dave".
Dave and I dated for a year and broke up this past April. He never really had his life together (no job, no education, pot-head) but he was a good boyfriend, and although I was never in love I cared very much for him. Since we broke up we have remained close friends. In fact he considers me one of his only confidants and his best friend in many ways. We have slept together on and off since we broke up (it was amazing, so sue me).
He has always been on the cusp of having a professional hockey career, and has forgone a traditional income in order to train and be available for any opportunity that has come his way.
A few months ago he started very casually seeing this girl, let's call her Elaine.
Now it might be important to mention that it takes a lot for Dave to be exclusive and call someone his girlfriend. He needs to be head over heels with a girl and although I know this about him he hasn't always been clear with girls about this in the past. In HIS mind he is just casually seeing someone but in the girls minds they are exclusive.
When we dated he WAS heads over heels for me and treated me completely different than he was with Elaine and with other girls he's seen.
When Dave left to go to a hockey camp he broke up with Elaine because he was getting the feeling that she was a few screws short of a tool box. She gave him her keys after two weeks of dating and was becoming very clingy and obsessive.
While Dave was away at his camp she hacked into his facebook and blocked/deleted about a dozen girls he had been talking to and sent them messages saying things like "we are in love and together so back off oh and WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A BABY"
These messages were then relayed to Dave who then approached Elaine asking her what this baby nonsense was about. She then told him that she was 6 weeks late with her period and that she was pregnant.
My first instinct was that she was lying and maniupulating him as a ploy to get him to be with her again.
Well last night he went over to her house because she said they needed to talk and seh presented him with an ultrasound.
He is coming to me for advcie and so far I am the only person that he has told.
My advice to him to to be VERY clear to her that he is NOT going to get back together with her and to protect himself by talking to a lawyer and hammer out any issues of custody/child support BEFORE the baby is born and the poop really hits the fan. My fear is that this girl is crazy and if she is hurt enough will set out to ruin his life.
None of her talks with his regarding this issue have had anything to do with what's best for the baby or her but have always revolved around her getting back together with him.
I have made it clear to him that he needs to accept responsibiltiy and man up and that they are both acting selfishly and immaturely. I also think he needs to go with her to her next doctors appointment because there's still a chance she is lying about the whole thing.
I KNOW he is no way ready to care for a child and I'm not sure I can be a supportive friend if he's going to end up being a dead beat dad unless she makes it clear she wants to do this on her own and wants him out of the picture.
His life is basically over as he is going to have to give up any hope of a hockey career and start working if he has to provide child support. He is also a top contender in an extreme sport that sends him all over the world and is going to have to drop out.
I can't help but be angry at this girl .... I have known some girls in the past who have purposely gotten pregnant to keep a man ... and I feel VERY bad for this poor child. She told him she was on birthcontrol (non excusing him, he SHOULD have been responsible for himself and used a fricken condom, ESPECIALLY since he was not in an exlcusive relationship).
I'm just confused right now over my friendship with Dave ... I can't support him if he is going to do the wrong thing and not be there for this child, but at the same time I feel very badly for him as I feel he's getting screwed over. I'm confused and not sure how to be there for him. I know it's non of my business but he's looking for me for advice and support. So far he hasn't told his family yet.
Last edited by Nej; 11-16-2010 at