Coconut oil by itself makes my hair hard and scalp itchy too!! I have to mix shea butter with aloe vera juice for it to make my hair soft and not hard.
I've finally figured out that my hair is extremely protein sensitive. So maybe that's why my hair feels like a brillo pad after using some products. I've noticed that when coconut oil or shea butter is part of a product but also mixed with other oils/ingredients, that combo works fine. No problems.