I can relate to your troubles. I too have thick, kinky, coily hair. I have only been natural for a couple weeks so I won't pretend to be an expert. What I can say is don't give up just yet. Get to know what your hair likes and what it can do.
So far the eco styler olive oil gel has worked great for defining my tight coils/curls. I use a small amount on top of some conditioner then seal with a light oil spray. I tried the Africa's best oil, but found it to be too heavy for my hair.
Best of luck to you!
Last relaxer: November 2010
BC Date: April 2, 2011
Current Status: Loving my TWA