There was an article here on nc.com that said gray hair loses moisture faster than hair with color, and my hairdresser confirmed that. She told me to be sure to do weekly deep treatments, and it has definitely helped. I wasn't able to do one last weekend, so it's been two weeks since I did one - and I am seeing the not-so-good result right now. Maybe start incorporating those into your routine?
As for hairdressers cutting it shorter than you want, that is just so annoying. Do you go to a "regular" hairdresser? Maybe one who is trained for cutting curly hair (like a Deva stylist or similar) will understand how your hair will shrink up and will do what you want.
Sulfate/non-water-soluble silicone free since 8/16/10
Med-coarse, normal porosity, low elasticity
Dye-free since 11/2010