I feel for you girl i really do, my last pregnancy with twins was so traumatic for me that I have yet to write it down. You are doing something positive and healing for yourself by getting this all out I really wish I could bring myself to do the same.

My only advice if you have a homebirth next time is to make sure you are completely comfortable with every aspect of your midwifery care or switch right away and make sure you have a cpm and not a cnm who decides later to do homebirth that"s what i had and she was a mess.