what kind of pampering have you given your hair. My hair is stiff when it was damaged. I thought i was doing all the right things, but i was just making it worse. make sure your hair is moisturized just not overly moisturized. get products that help define the curls. i like kccc, and i have tried quidad climate control with great results, but it has some cones in them, so i cut it out of my routine.
Just keep working at it, you'll get it. Good luck!