You're right, I missed the part where dryness is an issue but other than that we can just chalk it up to different personalities and parenting styles. Growing up I was very shy and sensitive too. I felt like I was the odd on out with my peer group-- I was the only non white. I was the only one with big curly hair, I was flat chested, the list goes on...and a lot of times I wished my parents would "fix" or positively reinforce things about me that I didn't like. And they never did, and back then I didn't get it. They never talked bad about me but they didn't help me feed into my own lies by trying to help me fix things about me that weren't wrong.
Now I have my own daughter and one of her strengths is that there isn't a thing about herself that she doesn't love. There are things about her that are different (she has severe food allergies, asthma, has curly hair, etc etc) and she and I both think it's no big deal. And the people around her don't make it a big deal because they know it doesn't bother her. I'm a non conformist, so was her dad, so is she. So you're right, I can't relate. IMHO trying to find a product to make her hair less puffy isn't solving the real problem. The real problem (once again, IMO) is getting her to accept and love her volume and allowing her to feel comfortable standing up to people who make fun of her. People are always going to have something to say, so why try to change for them?
But anywho good luck on your product search. I hope both of you find more satisfaction with her hair.
Blame it on the cell phone...