Thanks! How's this? (feel free to critique, tear to shreds and rewrite)

Hello.

I'm writing on behalf of Worcester Roller Derby, Massachusetts' newest roller derby league. We are all female and non-profit and are beginning our first season. We will be sending you at least 10 fresh meat skaters for gear in the very near future-- and, of course, we'll be up for Christmas presents for ourselves very soon!

I know that Bruised Boutique offers league discounts and I'm wondering if you will be willing to extend that to WoRD as well.

Sincerely,

Slam Grier
(WoRD secretary)
Originally Posted by Springcurl
-------------------------
I would goop it up a bit more, with:

I know that Bruised Boutique very generously offers league discounts. We'd be so grateful if you're able to extend that charitable offer to WoRD.

Thank you in advance for your kind consideration.

Sincerely,
My Very Cute Pug Dog (just kidding here)
Originally Posted by ninja dog
hee! I have to think about the goop part. The woman who owns the shop is also a derby player for Boston. We none of us are very goopy.


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