Supporting vs. enabling
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Join Date: Jul 2003
Monday, November 28, 2011 at 09:20AM
: Supporting vs. enabling
I just read a blog where someone discussed how if she expressed her own opinions she was called a b-, and not being supportive, yet felt she had to say something to friends who were being self-destructive.
It's something I often struggle with. I know we have to figure out our own paths, and if I care about someone I definitely don't want to say something mean. At the same time, if everyone is "supportive" of self-destructive behavior and never says anything, there's no external incentive for someone to try to find a different path. I've also found it's bad for me to be around anyone on a self-destructive path. I don't mean physical self-destruction like drugs and alcohol abuse - but whether it's self-flagellation, or the friend who was fired from two jobs when she spent her work time planning her wedding instead of working, unhealthy paths people make which cause them emotional damage.
Do you tend to just say it like it is, or support and let them figure it out on their own? I had a friend who kept questioning her feelings months prior to her wedding, and I never would have told her to dump the guy, but I gave a more neutral "well, is there a reason you're questioning these things and feeling this way? There may be something you need to answer for yourself there." She did eventually break up with him and I gave a big sigh of relief, but I would have supported her in marrying him if she hadn't figured it out, knowing eventually she'd need someone who cared about her in the divorce...
The pews never miss a sermon but that doesn't get them one step closer to Heaven.
But at least the pews never attend yoga!