I can relate to everything you mention in your post!
What I did in my time of hair distress is start a log of products used, ingredients, and detailed results. After a month or so, the list started to tell a story. I got a much better idea of what my hair liked. I was surprised to learn that, despite the general guidelines, my 3b, fine, low porosity hair was sensitive to protein and disliked Aloe and Agave.
If you do keep a log, be sure to change one thing at a time so you know where to place the blame/appreciation.
Good luck! Hang in there!
Low Poo 1x per week: Mop C Curls Hydrating Shampoo
Co Wash, Condish, leave-in: Tresemme Naturals conditioner
Gel: Garnier Fructis Pure Clean Gel (with conditioner leave-in)