Letting you hair shrink up at a length like that is not the best idea. Maybe washing it loose [try washing in large twists or braids] or doing wash-n-go styles are not for you (Don't feel bad, many of us don't do wash-n-goes past a certain length).
Cutting your hair to a shorter length would lessen detangling time as would starting locs. These are other options that a damaging, texture-altering chemical.
You should not allow white stylists--or stylist of any race for that matter--mistreat you or make you a spectacle. You should not put yourself in a negative environment let alone pay for the services of those who mistreat you.
"I live in a very rural, very white area."
Maybe you could move to a more diverse area--being around people like yourself you would help. You also said you are away from family--Do you visit them often?
"I do anything else (big braids to get it tied down quickly before running out of the house, or trying to soak it with conditioner long enough to use a tangle teezer in sections to PULL IT BACK--ultimately ending up with a big solid mass of matted hair, and more hair breakage) I've had people look at me like... what's the black girl think she's doing? "
Who? Family members? Friends? Do you confront these people about hurtful things they've said to you about your hair?
"I feel ugly" I understand that this must be hard for you. With that said, the only way you'll feel beautiful is if you believe you are beautiful. Do what ever with you hair (and life) that will help you feel that.
Big Chop: 12/15/08
Detangle: DIY Glycerin Spritz, Nature's Gate Jojoba Revitalizing Conditioner
Cleanse: SM Deep Cleansing Shampoo
Deep Condition: SM Purification Masque, DIY Greek Yogurt Hair Mask
Leave-In Condition: Alba Botanica Leave-In Conditioner
Moisturize: SM Curl & Style Milk, SM Curl Enhancing Smoothie
Oils/Butters: Coconut Oil, Castor Oil, Njoi Creations Ayurvedic Hair Butter
Gels: DIY Flax Seed Gel, Alba Botanica Strong Hold Style Gel
~ iHerb Discount Code: EFE310 ~
Last edited by Fronomenal; 02-24-2012 at 06:50 PM.