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Old 04-24-2012, 04:41 PM   #1
lcl0706
 
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 954
Default Need help with my 7 yr old son

He is a ... handful (to put it nicely). He doesn't listen to anything or anyone, has a total meltdown if you look at him wrong, he can't focus in class... he got sent to the counselor last week for losing every assignment he was given in class, interrupting, talking thru class, and coloring on his desk. Once he gets upset over something, he's pretty much beyond help. We’ve tried to teach him coping mechanisms like taking deep breaths to calm down, but he's so hard on himself and extremely sensitive and emotional. I don’t know some days what to do with him. He lies about his behavior at school constantly. He doesn't seem to have extreme anger outbursts, but he will push you or hit if he gets mad enough. He'll say he didn't get in trouble at school when we find out later he did. You can't punish the kid because it does no good. He cares and feels bad when he gets caught in a lie, but it doesn't change his behavior. He seems to only regret what he’s done when he gets caught and is held accountable for his actions.

He briefly went to a babysitter with several other kids when he was 4 and even then, he had massive meltdowns. She’d report back to us that if the other kids were playing he'd put his hands over his ears and scream that they were giving him a headache and throw world class temper tantrums. He'd yell at the sitter that he hated her. He still tells me that the other kids in class “give him a headache” and he can’t focus on what he’s doing. He complains all the time about his sister, even when she’s playing by herself when he’s trying to do something else, because she apparently gives him a headache too.

I can't seem to get thru to the kid. He learns everything the hard way.... like when I told him at least 15 times not to aim his Nerf gun at his face and he only learned after he shot a foam dart into his eye. He doesn't seem to respond to questions and directions like I’d expect him to at age 7. He can’t keep track of his own possessions – he doesn’t know where he put his coat (on the floor in front of him), doesn’t know where he shoes are, or his backpack/school books/folder/whatever it is he's missing, and can’t focus long enough to actually conduct a useful search for it. If I ask him what he did in school that day, most of the time he “can’t remember.” I suspect he continues to lie daily about his behavior. We're really pushing his teacher to email us at the end of every day he gets in trouble and tell us what it was for and how bad it was so we can tell when he's lying. She says he'd be a super student in a one-on-one classroom, which is obviously not possible. He's so demanding of everyone. He pesters my SO's daughter constantly, and she's a real introvert and gets annoyed easily by him and I'm afraid will start resenting him. He rarely can play by himself. He’s always wanting attention from me, SO, whoever. The only time he successfully plays independently is if it’s an activity that absolutely requires constant, undivided hand eye coordination – like video games, his favorite thing in the world. I say that, but he’s been without his video game privileges for 3 months and still has not improved his behavior. In fact, he snuck his DS system to school without my knowledge, was caught playing games in class, was repeatedly asked to put it away and when he failed to, he got it taken away. His teacher told him to come home and tell his parents he will get it back at conferences, but instead he came home and when I couldn’t find it later, he helped me search the entire house for 2 hours. Knowing the entire time where it actually was.

Communication from the school has been spotty at best. I think his teacher means well but fails to follow through. They're on the green-red-yellow-blue card discipline system at school and teachers are supposed to send home a pink note if he pulls both his yellow and red card, and a discipline sheet if he pulls his blue card and gets sent to the office. We found out at recent parent teacher conferences that the kid's been saying yellow when he was on red because he figured out he gets in less trouble for that, and she hasn't been sending home pink notes. Now when he says "green day" it makes me wonder if she just failed to tell us otherwise.

He does have a few friends at school that he talks about - mostly when they've talked him into doing something he shouldn't have, which isn't hard - but he also tells me he gets made fun of a lot. He's in youth league soccer this year and he can make it through an actual game and come out okay on the other side, but I pulled up to practice last week to find him sitting in the middle of the field, having a massive meltdown, tears and snot and all, because the other kids "weren't playing fair" and took the ball from him. I took him to the car and he was uncontrollable. There was no calming him down. He can be a very good kid and he has a big heart. Some days he surprises me and I feel like I have a different child. For example, Sunday when SO and I were painting a bedroom, he was really well behaved all day. He played well with the other two children and was very sweet to me – he made me a present out of a shoebox. I don’t expect to be able to ignore him at home and I don’t feel I do – I am just one person and have to divide my attention and he sucks up a lot of my attention and energy. I know he is capable of very good days both at home and school but those days seem to be few and far between, and I’m not sure where to go with him from here.
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Last edited by lcl0706; 04-24-2012 at 04:57 PM.
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