See, we make these mistakes. Someone says "I want you to wear your hair straight, I dont find it attractive - you attractive - curly". Instead of paying attention to the sick feeling we get in our gut (because of attachment to the person making the demand), we try to override that sick feeling; we say, Oh its not so bad, oh, he is really a good guy; we try to deny, minimize and fix the problem. It is not HER problem. It is HIS problem, and its just my opinion as a shrink and a woman, but Chrystal, please pay attention not just to the controlling behavior, but to that sick feeling you have in your stomach. That is intuition saying something isnt right. Chrystal, I hope you can take something from this discussion here. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar; and sometimes it is something that makes you ill and you decide you cant live with it.