First off, the fiance doesn't have to like the OP's hair. But attempts to make her feel unattractive/ugly, because her hair grows curly, should raise a red flag. That's my concern here - not to mention he seems a bit controlling with the "only wear your hair curly 20% o the time". Where did he get that number?
OP, how do you feel about your curly hair? Do YOU love your hair curly, or do you actually think you're more attractive with straight hair - and the only reason you're wearing it curly is because you want to stop the damage? How important is hair to you? That's key. I love my kinky/coily hair, and if a man tried to "lessen" my value, because I wear my hair naturally, that would cause me to look at him differently - not myself.
The solutions (on the surface) are very simple: You can give into his wishes, or you can stand your ground. It's "only hair" is true...but that goes both ways. Since it's "only hair", then he needs to have a seat and chill. You can always get a "straight" wig for "date nights", or you can find a man who would love to take you, and your curly hair, out on a date.
Lingerie you can take on and off, and to men, it's what's underneath they're trying to get it. Yeah, it's all about "visuals" for them, but not wearing sexy lingerie doesn't make a woman "unattractive". It's just enhancement. It can add "spice" to the recipe. However, there are physical characteristics that are a part of you...they come with the package, and sometimes altering those characteristics to be more acceptable to a man makes us feel like we don't measure up, which chips away at our self esteem and causes resentment down the road. You can set yourself up for a rocky ride later on.
Also, the whole "maybe his ex had curly hair, and you remind him of her..." idea doesn't hold water. She has two arms and legs, like the last woman (I'm assuming), so that must remind him of her too, right? People are individuals, even though we have similarities. Relationships are more than "hair', and if he's locked up in the mind because his fiance has curly hair like his ex, then it's time to ask why he's stuck and won't move on.
Good luck, OP.
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Last edited by Ninjarette; 06-18-2012 at 10:55 AM.