CurlTalk - View Single Post - Is it really that unusual to get married in early 20s and be happy?

NetG · 06-22-2012, 05:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nej

I've never felt that having a serious bf has stopped me from partying, eating out with friends, travelling etc. In fact I tend to have a way more active and fun social life with a supportive partner. The right person adds to your life, not stifles you from living it!

I'm single because I haven't found someone (lately) who adds to my life rather than stifling it who is also a romantic interest. My friends all fill that role, and I hope to have a romantic interest and someday husband who does as well. It's not worth being in a relationship with someone who stifles me - and I don't think anyone in this thread has said it is.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sleepymeko

Haha, you're saying I don't know what my cousins need when you don't even know them. That's funny to me! They're worse than I am and I know they're marrying because they're lonely. I know how they are, you don't. That's the end of that story

And I am WELL aware that my idea of having fun isn't the idea for everyone else. What I was SAYING was that people should do things that they consider fun, be a little wild sometimes, instead of actively looking for a relationship. When something is GOOD it will last whether or not you get married or not. I was ALSO saying that I wasn't into partying until recently. What someone may be into when they're 21 is definitely not what they're into when they're 23 or 24. People change drastically when they're in their twenties, I do not understand why you are not grasping this concept.

Do you get it now?

And as for still having a BF and doing all those things, that's wonderful but I don't want the responsibility of a relationship. Having to call someone and talk to them all the time is not something I want to do. And when I make those amazing memories (as of NOW) I don't want to look back and see an ex-bf in my mind. Why? Because I know that if I was to get in a relationship RN it would be temporary. Have I been in love before? SURE! Did I ever want to marry any of them? Nope. Being in love isn't enough for me to get married. Love is just one thing you need for marriage. There are so many OTHER things you need in a marriage besides love.

And partying and being wild isn't stupid, haha. It's called getting that **** out of the way so I don't turn into those loser thirty year olds you see at clubs still trying to be cool SMH

Were you high when you typed this? Just wondering since you mentioned that being single allows you to get high with your friends, and, well, you very well could have been when you typed that....

Quote:

Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000

Historically, tho, when folks got married, it meant the woman had to give up her educational pursuits/career and start having babies. If her husband wanted to move to further his career, she had to defer to his plans and move with him. And then if the marriage ended (his choice), she was left w/ no prospects and only a shaky idea of who she was as a person bc she'd spent her entire adulthood up under his thumb.

I don't think the main issue is partying and socializing...but when people get married really young, they haven't dated much (as adults) and don't have a good sense of what they really want and need in a partner. Sometimes it just works out and they happen to make a good choice and the two people grow together. But sometimes it doesn't.

This is true. I'm starting to think that since there's no longer the same pressure to marry young many people take longer to grow up and STILL don't know themselves well, even if they get married later! Perhaps it's just that getting married can be such a big change even if you don't think it is at the start of a marriage, and so no one truly knows themselves until it happens. I know I thought of having long term futures with men well before dating one who made me re-think what it meant to find someone with whom I was compatible. I knew a lot about how well I wanted to be treated from men who treated me fabulously, but he taught me something about being with a man who I simply felt I could talk with every day for the rest of my life without getting bored. It definitely changed what I look for, and I have realized since that's actually very hard to find.

As an aside Spidey's post made me think of, I believe my parents' marriage would have been much happier had they not tried to stick to the stereotypical roles of men and women in marriages as they were groomed to do. My father is brilliant and intellectually curious, and I think had he been the stay at home parent he would have continued growing intellectually and had a blast. He really is great with kids, and I think would have loved helping out in our classrooms and never stopped growing as a person while doing so. My mom was an assistant to the VP of a company before moving to follow my dad's career, and lights up discussing the work she did as a labor estimator in those days, and how she affected job roles within her company. Had she kept her career, I believe she would have done quite well and her self esteem and personal growth wouldn't have taken the nosedive they did when she became a stay at home mom. That didn't have to do with age in my parents' case, but had to do with taking on roles which weren't as much to their personal benefit.