I honestly was just about to come post asking the same thing
My mom started straightening my hair when I started going to private school in 7th grade, and before then she kinda prided herself in not getting my hair straightened. My first semester in college I realized I had no idea how to straighten my hair, and honestly thought I looked like a chubby wet dog with my relaxed hair, so I just stopped perming . When I came home last summer, I'd been growing out my hair and decided to cut of the permed ends to end my transition. I go to school a bit away from home, I didn't really come home much, and my mom hadn't really been seeing my hair (especially since I hate putting pictures of myself on Facebook). I'd been used to the support from my hallmates and my boyfriend (the latter being over the moon with me taking more control of those simple things in my life, and becoming a bit more assertive. I didn't have the stereotypical fights with him over it, and in fact he called me beautiful just as often and even helped me with figuring out how I'd take care of my hair, including buying products and such with our combined miniscule college student budget), so I guess I'd thought my mom would be as happy for me.
It's only my mom and I at home, and within a week of me coming home we had the biggest fight we'd ever had, which included her belittling my appearance in front of company and tearing apart everything from my clothes to my nappy hair, and everything ended with me leaving out with my boyfriend to stay at his school (they end later than mine) for about a week. I already have crap self esteem, so it really killed things for me. I ended up not cutting my hair, and pretty much hiding it most of the summer until a girl transitioning at a place I interned at complimented me and asked me for advice and such.
I went back to school and mostly got back on track emotionally, but since that argument have not been able to talk or be around my mother the same. I feel like at least twice a day she takes a swipe at my appearance. I sat down with her over my winter break and told her how I felt, sobbing as I did, and she just used it as an excuse to try to get me to just do what she wants. As if she doesn't want to admit that I'm starting my own life now.
When I came back home for this break, I'd been having medical issues and may have to have a surgery as a result. It's been an option since February for me and between the stress from classes, my health, and my relationship with my family, I've been very anxious and depressed. I'm starting to get thinning hair on the side of my very very thick hair (so it's noticable), and I'm trying to adjust my diet, my attitude toward everything, and take vitamins. But every time I'm with my mom, she comments on how I'm trying to diet, how my hair looks like I don't take care of it, and that I need to do something with myself. I even let her braid my her a few times, and the entire experience is always so stressful, with her tugging on my hair, and commenting all the way through that I need to get it straightened or permed. I feel even more stressed out and she won't listen to me on these little things.
Now tonight, I'm going out for a dinner-movie date with my boyfriend, and I decided to go the full-nine with dressing up. I thought I looked pretty, and even managed to put my hair in a nice up-do it wasn't long enough for before. I felt really good about tonight until my mother came into my room and just stared at me with this horrified look on her face. When I asked her what was wrong, she just said "You're going out like that?" and it felt like my mood just died.
I don't want to have a horrible relationship with my mom, as she's the only parent I have and we used to be so close. But I feel like every tiny argument we have, I get further away from her. At this point, i'm even considering moving away from home next summer, but I really don't want to do that. I only have a few more years where I can just be at home with my mom and relax without worrying about more adult things, but I feel cornered. I honestly don't know what to do.
Why do mothers have to be so difficult?