This right here is exactly how I feel on both topics to a T, and you are the only person that Ive seen explain it just like that. It IS a more "in the family thing" so even if a natural called me nappy headed in a negative way...it wouldn't offend me like it would someone with relaxed hair.
I think what's interesting is men's perspective on natural hair and "nappy vs good hair" or whatever, and I wonder whether it's mostly black women who keep up the 'nappy' hair thing or men.
A lot of women swear that they cant go natural because they are afraid that men (black) wont find them attractive and they are afraid their hair will be "nappy", but which one came first the chicken or the egg?
Also, what I find HILARIOUS is that the same women who use the word "nappy" in a negative sense are the same ones who will see our hair in a wash n go or twist out and be like "who did your hair and how did you get it to curl up like that"...lol.