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Old 07-20-2012, 05:18 AM   #62
gagirl09
 
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Join Date: Oct 2009
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Quote:
Originally Posted by murrrcat View Post
You guys are so awesome.

I suck at losing weight, I just don't lose weight.

I don't know. I suck.

Change scares me and I think thats the biggest thing, what if I lose weight and I'm still miserable. What if I lose weight and everything is awesome. I don't like to not know. I know life won't really be that different but it scares me soooo much. I think because I day dream a lot so I have this like perfect world in my head, and if I lose weight and it's not perfect than I'll be really disappointed and I'd rather be stuck and safe in my bubble and day dream about my life than actually change it, and I don't know how to get out of this thinking? What???

But then like before I gained all this weight, I still didn't even like my legs, because they were all muscular and athletic and you could see every muscle I felt like, BUT LIKE now I WISH those were my legs.

I'm just one of those people that will never be satisfied. I'll never be happy. But then like some days I'm okay with my weight, I just accept it and it's just a part of me not the whole picture.. I'm just crazy. I'm in a hazy day dream all the time. I need to wake up.

Everything is mental, running that extra mile, losing weight, it's all in my brain for me.
I think once you definitively figure out how you feel about you weight and find that one reason to lose weight everything else will fall away. Honestly I have been overweight for as long as I remember and as I grew older I would want to lose weight but one of the things that kept me from sticking with it was how I actually felt about my body. Sometimes it was more of what my family and society felt than how I truly felt. I left high school a size 18 I think and I actually felt like if I had a boyfriend that truly loved me I could stand before him naked and feel alright. I changed in front of other women much smaller than me with very little hesitation. I was always faltering with weightloss because I did not want folks hovering around me that was never there before because now I was smaller. That would totally hurt my feelings and so that helped hinder me somewhat too. However someTHING changed. I won't go into that all right now but once I finally sat down and really listened to ME I became more focused. I actually did not work out for almost two months but because I wanted to stay the course I tried to maintain healthy eating choices and my helped too. As a result the scale stayed at a +3;-3 difference. I started back working out last week, I also have been juicing to reset myself and give myself a little boost of confidence. In the end these reasons that I spent time really truly meditating about made me not throw everything away because a voice in my head kept saying: you're not finished yet. Keep going.
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