I had my hair analyzed two years ago. It surprised me, the results; I had always thought it was very porous.

The same thing happened with me. I had "assumed" it was porous, because it's dry and curly, but it turned out it's not...

What's the floaty test?

Put a little cutting of your hair in a glass of water and see if it sinks or floats

My hair LITERALLY absorbed all that. So what does that mean? Hungry how?

I was joking about the hungry because mayo & eggs are food...But - maybe your hair is absorbing vitamins? (I have no idea if this is even possible)

Are you saying with cones I never would have been able to "feed" it? Wasn't sure what you meant. I don't use cones except a couple water-soluble ones intermittently (dimethicone is it?)

Again, I don't know for sure, but I was saying it seems that your hair couldn't have sucked in all that oil if it was coated with silicones. I think the oil would slip off your hair and not get absorbed. Dimethicone isn't water soluble in the least, unless it's polyether-modified. It's like cellophane wrap.

I get it colored every so often with semi-permanent to cover the grays - I was using Redken Shades EQ but that has wheat so was going to switch to Paul Mitchell (I forget which)

Gray hair is more porous than pigmented hair. You probably had less grays two years ago when you had your hair analyzed. Does your semi-permanent have any lift at all, or does it coat your hair? Does it last only a couple of days? I think the longer it lasts, the more porous your hair must be. Does your coloring have ethanol (alcohol) in it?

I tried getting a water softener, but it made my hair BIZARRE (it was two christmases ago so it's vague) but I think it was like soggy seaweed? Though my water here is so hard, I do think I should do something - help??

I hate water softeners, too. My mother has one, and I can't stand even washing my hands at her house, because nothing seems to rinse.

But couldn't this all still be a protein issue??

It's weird, because what you describe makes it seem like your hair needs protein to build it up a bit so it's not so absorbent. Eggs and mayo are full of proteins and you said your hair felt better after you treated it with them. If protein was bothering your hair it would feel weird after soaking up all that protein. (I think?) Too much protein makes my hair feel like pliable wax.
3b/c, Coarse, Low Porosity, Desert Climate
CG since August 2011/Modified since 2013
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