lc, I can really relate to what your saying. It took me about 3 years and I was very often frustrated.

I think for some people we don't just suddenly wake up and our hair is amazing.

I'm trying something which has helped me; maybe it will help you.

Keep a very simple record of what the dewpoint is each day and a little record of what you use. Start with one product after shampoo and condish. If you don't feel cg is that wonderful for you, use a shampoo and condish (and styler) that has cones without feeling guilty. Do a simple easy to do style. Maybe just scrunch and diffuse. Just keep experimenting, one product at a time. Not a bunch of products together.

I hope that is helpful for you. And there is no shame at all in deciding you'd rather wear your hair straight. Do what you want, that will make you happier.
2/c and some 3A. Modified CG.
Protein sensitive
Highly porous. Color over grey.
Best 1st day method: Super Soaker
Conditioners: Curl Junkie Beauticurls Strengthening Conditioner,
Deep condish: Curl Junkie Curl Rehab
Stylers: Experimenting with cones & sulfates while the dews are high.
Sometimes try roller sets - classic glamor but I prefer my curls.
Every day is a gift