Have you ever tried making your own flax seed gel? There are several recipes on these boards. It's quick and very easy to make - cheap, too! I add most of the things you said your hair hates. That's one of the many benefits of FSG - you can add or not add anything you want. I add protein, glycerin and honey. Epsom salts are good for curl enhancement. Use the basic recipe and add anything you want.
3B, fine, normal to low porosity
Modified CG since June 2010
HGs: FSG, anything with glycerin, Tresemme Naturals conditioner, Curls Like Us cloths, satin pillowcases.