I'm allowing myself this one day to be incredibly depressed and not get out of bed, but I'll snap out of it tomorrow. I promise.
My gosh, I am SO DOWN. I've been crying all day.
I don't get what people want from me or what else I'm supposed to do!
I took a retail job thinking it was a smart move and would be better than working at the restaurant. They told me they'd be able to give me a ton of hours (30 plus.) And what happens? I have five this week and five last week. FIVE HOURS A WEEK. FIFTY DOLLARS A WEEK. I really thought I was doing the right thing by taking that job. I was barely getting hours at the restaurant or making anything. I thought it was the right move. How could I have know? I most likely won't have a position there after January 1st, even though when they hired me, I was told I was "part-time" and not "seasonal."
I keep going-on these interviews and some of them are going so well, and then it feels like I must have dreamed them.
I am signed-up with every single temp agency in NY and NJ. I keep calling and letting them know when I'm available and other than that one day assignment this past weekend, nobody is giving me work, even though they talk about me like I'm so great and I do so well on the proficiency tests.
I'm SO FRUSTRATED. I can't stop crying today and I'm not even PMSing. I feel like there's this big, beautiful world out there and all these great people and I'm not a part of it. I can't see any of my friends because most of them are in the city, my only local friend that I hung-out with all the time got married in October and moved away and I haven't seen her since and I miss her so much.
I feel so isolated and hopeless and bored and lonely and I just want something to give soon. And then another part of me is terrified of getting another job and going through all of that again.
I try to think about what I learned from all of this, and all I got is, "Even if you do your best and knock yourself out and try your hardest and DRIVE A FREAKING VAN THROUGHOUT NYC (does anybody understand how stressful that is?) to please your employers, you still got treated like crap and fired and left unemployed and miserable."
I walked into 2012 thinking it was going to be this fantastic year that everything fell into place and life got better. Well, it wasn't. It sucked.