Relationship Help - Recovering GF of a drinker
Ok people, I have sat back and listened to people's advice about a lot of things and being someone studying to be a mental health counselor, I agree I should probably see one, but I will try out some people that may speak from experience first.
I was with a guy for 2 years that drank heavily. It was the only thing that seemed fun to him and once he started he wouldn't stop until be was wasted. Early in the relationship it was fun and lovey dovey drunkenness, but after some time he would come home and tell me he hated me and just be rude. We were together for 2 years before we finally called it off (that's right, I didn't make him leave, we had a fight, we agreed to break up and then he went out, got wasted, and was brought home by the cops for peeing in public...the third time in 2 years the cops were at my house and all were caused by him). We split up coming up on two years now. I used to enjoy going to the bars and getting silly, still to this day I feel uncomfortable.
Now, I'm with a man that adores me and I know would never treat me the way my ex would. He hardly drinks and is an all around better boyfriend....but...he enjoys smoking pot. When we started dating he did it everyday. He cut back because we were always together and he knew it made me uncomfortable (still illegal in my state) so he didn't do it around me. A couple weeks in he started doing it around me so he was back to smoking 3-4 nights a week. We had a fight at one point over it because he didn't want to stop. He has friends that drink a lot so I compared his being high 3-4 nights a week to being drunk 3-4 nights a week and he got it. He is back to not doing it around me and only does it the nights we are apart (2 nights a week). I appreciate that he respects me and is willing to reduce it significantly for me, but even just him saying he got high or joking about how he ate a whole block of cheese when he was high last night and feels awful, makes my stomach turn. Feelings of fear, dread and discomfort hits me just like my ex's mention of going out drinking did.
So somehow, I feel like I should at least be able to hear about my boyfriend getting high without feeling sick to my stomach. It's something he enjoys and he thinks of it like a hobby (which also bothers me because if someone told me drinking was their hobby I would find that unhealthy and not ok). I have never smoked pot or anything else and I have no intention to. When it becomes legalized in my state I tho I I could be ok with it if people treated it like alcohol (not cigarettes) and did it at parties or on the weekend. But even then, I could have a beer on the weekend watching football and if he smoked a joint in the same amount of time he would be high and no longer sober so it's still different there.
Does anyone have any advice that could help me get past this? I don't think I'm wrong for not liking it (was the "sober" sidekick for too long) but wish I could just hear about it and not want to puke. He respects me enough to not do it around me, but I feel bad that I can't even hear about it. HELP!! Thanks.