Smoking refer and drinking heavily are dealbreakers for me. They just are; people can try to defend them all they want, but it won't change my opinion. I have dated potheads and drunks and I, myself, have drunk and blazed myself unconscious, but I don't anymore, and I don't want to be around it and I don't want to be w/ a man who has a dependency and/or who needs to be in an altered mental state.
And being in recovery isn't much better IMO.
But not sure what to tell you. Hugs. Does he know how much this is bothering you?
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG