Bingo, that, he is afraid it will loosen my curl pattern, and he likes my color exactly the way it is. He says any other color wont be my natural color and therefore wont be the same. Also he has heard from me how it "can" cause dryness and therefore breakage and he is worried I won't be a happy camper if that happens.
I think the main reason he has tried to get in my hair before in order to detangle is because he has curly hair that can get unruly at times and assumes my hair can't really be any worse. It sounds like your dh does not really have curly hair at all and is scared of tangling your hair up.
Me for my part, I just want soft frizz free and manageable tresses, it is my journey and my dh just might have to get used to it, lol.