Maybe in some cases the mom is being defensive but a lot of times there is a racial overtone to the criticism and it is more harsh. I have heard black people say about white mothers with black children "she shouldn't have laid with a black man if she wasn't going to learn to do that child's hair." I have also heard people say they can't stand to see " little black kids with white moms and their hair sticking up all over their heads." Take that same hair and I don't believe these well meaning people would approach a woman they didn't know from Adam and give unsolicited hair advice if she was Moesha and not Becky. Yet only Becky needs the intervention? And I see little white kids whose hair looks a mess. Who is looking out for them? Is anybody talking to their mamas all crazy?
My friend is a foster parent who is white and she has had two black boys in her home. I gave her advice but because she asked me.