I feel if she was spoiled she would've looked for a nanny early on to care for the kids so she can do her own thing.

I wonder too about the dad's involvement.

Perhaps if just guiding her in the right direction toward help for her children and herself may be what she needs. She may be drowning (mentally speaking) and needs someone to act as her aid to give her some perspective.

It sounds like a crappy situation all around through. You are a good friend to have stuck with her.
2b/c, medium/high porosity, medium/coarse texture
Current HG: Kinky Curly errythang, GVPCB, LALSG

"I will never be the woman with perfect hair, who can wear white and not spill on it."