It doesn't at all sound to me like you're pitying yourself – just honestly telling your story
I think after a while, general conformity is just not a viable option (for those of us who are viewed as chronically “other”). I agree w/your sentiment: that being “different” can be discomforting at times. (And one thing I've also learned is that difference can be a wonderful blessing; a strength! I actually love being biracial, despite any issues. I don't think I have any more issues than mono-racial ppl, actually.)
That hair comment is infuriating. I'm so sorry. I can relate to the verbal harassment and violence. I was bullied by certain kids (always black) when I was a kid and I'm sure that's only because they
were being mistreated by racist ppl who looked like me. I have mostly white features, green eyes and so on. Was pale until adulthood, at which point I moved from one sunny city after another to live. It was subconscious, but I did that to get darker. Since I stopped straightening my hair and have a tan, I get a lot of “what are you” inquiries. I usually like it because I get to talk to ppl from all sorts of different cultures.
I've also found that sprawling metropolises have their fair share of racism lol. And I just think people tend to get anxious when they don't know a person's racial background. It happens so often that my conclusion is they usually want to know how I will act around them, and also how they can act (and what they can get away with saying) around me.
It does remind me of that thing I went through w/my ex-bf's mother panicking and trying to sabotage our r-ship after finding out I'm part-black.
You are not alone. I'll reply to your other post in a shortly