A couple books that have been helpful for us:
Raising Your Spirited Child Rev Ed: A Guide for Parents Whose Child Is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, and Energetic: Mary Sheedy Kurcinka: 9780060739669: Amazon.com: Books
I think I've recommended this one on here before. It's geared more towards children with speech delays, but has valuable information about school evaluations and their pitfalls. The Einstein Syndrome: Bright Children Who Talk Late: Thomas Sowell: 9780465081417: Amazon.com: Books
I don't have a great deal of trust in school developmental/behavioral evaluations, but we agreed to it (reluctantly) so it could be shown that the only real concern with DS is speech/language. I also wanted to be a "team player" and go along with the school to build a good relationship with them.
The independent evaluation we got was the best money we've spent. I went into it worried of what they'd say--speech apraxia, ADHD, autism. They ruled out those and came to the diagnosis of mixed expressive/receptive language delay. They also had a great deal of helpful advice on how to help Connor make progress. One suggestion was to help him learn reading and math at home so he'll do well academically and that'll be one less thing that a school can nitpick about.
WJ, those expectations sound ridiculous and not age-appropriate for kindergarten. The independent clinic that we visited recommended that a Montessori or Waldorf school would be good for our son. They also cautioned that not all so-called Montessori schools really follow the Montessori method, which allows for children to be very self-directed. Best of luck finding a more appropriate school!