This made me LOL from Malcolm's bio

Personal Claim to Fame: Once I spent over a month with Abi-Maria Gomes, and I'm still considered legally sane by the state of California.
Modified CG since Dec 2011
Growing out super short cut

High porosity, fine, unknown curl type, somewhere in the 2s at the moment
Mostly low poo
Current rotation includes:
Wash: Yes To Carrots -Condition: Yes to Cucumber, Nature's Gate Jojoba, One C - Stylers: Deva volumizing foam, Deva UDG B'Leave In, Foxy Curls Hi-Def Curl spray