I don't know what got into me last night, but I had one of my stupid nightly freak-outs. When those have been getting bad, I put Joel Osteen on my phone on YouTube and listen to him talk and try to fall back to sleep. It helps sometimes.
My mom has been oddly very nice and understanding lately, but I can't enjoy it because I know it won't last long.
Last night, I was replaying her "greatest hits" of things she's said to me...the time her boyfriend called me a loser, when she tells me that my sister hates me because she, "Knows that when I die, she's going to have to take care of you."
I think that was, hands-down, the worst thing anybody has ever said to me and it's very hard to forget it. It's like, "We've given-up on you! You're never going to be any kind of success. You'll never have a good job. Forget about getting married and having a family, too! This is it for you."
It completely broke my heart. It's very hard forgetting those words.