You remind me a little of how I used to be, always placing my value in whether or not I had a man by my side. I used to be lonely and envious of those girls with boyfriends, so much so that I dated the first guy who ever asked me out in high school. We should have stayed split up when we broke up right before I graduated HS. Instead, I stayed with him when I left for college. Despite not having much of a relationship with long distance, I still said yes when he proposed. That's what any girl wants, is a boyfriend who loves her and wants to marry her. We dated 3.5 years, were engaged for a year and a half. I almost went through with it too. Why? Because it was familiar, I just wanted to be loved and be in a position to start a family. When I finally came to terms with myself a little more, I realized that while he was a great guy, we weren't right for one another.

I followed that relationship up with a series of what I like to call "what if" flings. There was never a future with any of them, but I just wanted a future so much that I played the "maybe" game with myself. And I kept letting them walk all over me, use me and I always was there whenever it was convenient for them. All because I didn't want to be alone.

But guess what? Selling myself short with "what ifs" left me lonelier than ever. I was so caught up on guys who weren't after anything serious or long term with me, that I wouldn't have opened myself up in a capacity to let anyone truly love me and be worthy of my love.

I finally met my soulmate and we're happier than ever. But I almost missed out on him too. We met online and I had literally logged on to delete my profile because I was so sick of how I was letting men into my life for all the wrong reasons. I logged in to see a message from him and decided to respond just to see what he was about. When we talked enough to finally meet, and he suggested taking me indoor skydiving as a first date, I knew he was after something serious. We hit it off and never once have I doubted his feelings for me. Not for one single second. NOT ONE. From day one I have just known, not only his feelings for me, but mine for him. Zero doubts.

I tell you all this because I don't want you to sell yourself short like I did for so long. Nothing good will come from you responding to him other than you risking wasting more time on a guy who has already shown you his true colors. But, from experience of not really listening to people who told me what I already knew deep down, I also know that you are going to do what you're going to do. The wise choice would be to ignore him. Block him again, and if he finds a new way to contact you where you can't just ignore it (like face to face), tell him to get lost. But I also know we don't always make wise choices. Just know that decisions have consequences. People here have given advice that should be loud and clear. But your choices are up to you. You've got support here. And when you find the right guy, there won't be any of this BS. But we'll continue to be here to listen.
3B/Medium Texture/Normal Porosity
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