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Old 03-06-2013, 10:55 AM   #2248
ursula
 
Join Date: Aug 2001
Posts: 2,160
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Quote:
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000 View Post
Honestly, I think it is the assumption of most men that any never-married, childless woman wants to be married. I don't think it is something that needs to be discussed at length. But I think in an online dating/speed dating/personals dating/matchmaking situation, it makes perfect sense to briefly ask the guy, before you meet or on the first date in the getting-to-know-you phase, what he's looking for out of this.

But don't expect these gys to always be honest or even know, themselves. And just bc they say they are open to marriage, that isn't an assurance they are open to it with you.

Just take any "yes" response with a grain of salt. And believe a "no" response! LOL

Personally, I would not ask a man after a month "where is this relationship heading?"

I woud hate to be asked that!

How would he know after a month??

And you can guage it pretty well by his behavior.
That's just it. I am bad at reading people. I don't know what his behavior is telling me.

Some background: I have been out with him 4 times now in the last couple of weeks (and continuing to date other people). On his OKC profile he only checked "new friends" as what he was looking for. I was on the fence about whether I should even reply to his message, but I'm glad I did, because we get along well.

I've been nervous about bringing up relationship stuff, for some reason. But during the last couple of dates he tried to invite me over or invite himself over to my place so I finally asked point blank what he was looking for, because I'm not looking for something casual. He said he wasn't either. He said he was actually nervous because he thought this could turn into something. I'm so gun shy after a year of dating yuckiness that I was thinking, That sounds like a line. I can't tell whether I should believe him. I think it's sad at my age not to be able to tell. But it's also sad to think that a man my age would lie about that. I used to think it was frat-boy kind of behavior, but based on my experiences in the last year, I now know that 30- and 40-somethings are no better.

So when you (spiderlashes) say "believe a 'no' response," I'm like, is checking off "new friends" a sort of preemptive "no" response? Does that trump what he said in person about looking for something serious?
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