I totally remember being where you are right now. It sucks!
Coarse, low porosity hair is a pain in the butt. There aren't a lot of curly girls with that texture. Most girls have fine hair and are able to use products that coarse heads can't. Look out for that when you read people's regimen.
My absolute favorite cowash at the moment is the Tresemme Naturals Moisture conditioner. Suave provides no slip or moisture (for me). Never tried VO5 as an adult. I have terrible childhood memories of my mom using that conditioner on my hair as a child. Lol. I hate it and refuse to use it.
Another new fav is the As I Am Coconut CoWash.
I know it seems overwhelming, but with time and patience you'll figure out what works for YOUR hair.
You mentioned in a couple posts that you're avoiding products that contain coconut oil and aloe. Have the products you've tried contained those ingredients, as well as some type of actual protein (such as wheat protein, etc.)? I ask because I thought the same thing, but my hair can tolerate coconut oil if it's in a protein-free product. Same goes for aloe. An example of this would be the Desert Essence Coconut conditioner (contains coconut oil AND aloe vera juice). I swore my hair would hate it, but decided to finally give it a try. Lo and behold my hair completely rejoiced and it's now one of my HG conditioners.
Once again, I've rambled, but I want to share what I've learned because I understand how hard this process is.