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Old 03-18-2013, 07:13 PM   #15
cosmicfly
 
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Join Date: Oct 2005
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RedCatWaves View Post
I wouldn't change it. I would be skeptical as to why it's "very important" to the new husband that you use his name. That's such an odd thing to say. "Very important" seems to imply ownership to me. And you've got a fairly long and established career going...seems silly to change your name now.

Our birth surnames do often come from our fathers, and I can understand not wanting to honor a difficult or absent father, but at some point we need to just embrace who we are now, and not think of it in patriarchal terms. I use my birth name, but it's my name, not just my father's. I gave it to my children too. I had to start somewhere.


Very important are my words. Initially, he was very vague and that did not sit well with me. I pointed out that we have already done many nontraditional things and could he think about articulating what is important to him about this tradition. His response was that he wanted us to share a name and that he wanted to share his name with me. I think he isn't completely in the habit of thinking about why we do things (I'm working on it). But this wasn't an argument by any means.

I don't know how I would feel if I had a nice last name but my last name is awful, I wouldn't ask anyone to use it.

Also, my initial response was no and while he wasn't overjoyed, he didn't bring it up again. It wasn't a dealbreaker for him by any means. I'm the one who has been thinking about it for 6 months. I haven't mentioned that I may have changed my mind to him yet.

I completely get what you are saying. I just didn't want to leave the impression that he is sexist.
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