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Old 03-26-2013, 12:04 PM   #8
spiderlashes5000
 
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Join Date: Jun 2005
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Josephine View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000 View Post
Personally, i think it's a little unfair to say you, for example, don't want kids, while you are dating, and then flip the script once you get married and say you do. You were already 30 yrs old when you married him and should have known that.

Not scolding you but just saying maybe you need to take one for the team on the issue of having kids.

But no, you should not accept him turning into a couch potato.

Get some hobbies, nurture some (female) friendships and try to have some fun in your marriage.

My exhusband is almost 12 years older than I am and it was not a fun experience. We were at very different places in our lives and really wanted and needed different things.

Sure, you can leave him for a younger man. But I dn't think that is the answer. At least try to make some changes with him.

Can you sign up together for a cooking, dancing, massage, whatever class? Or find two other couples and plan a monthly night out thing? Maybe sign up for Big Sisters and mentor some girls? Or volunteer at church or for a dog rescue or some other cause that is close to your heart so you feel needed and validated in some way (besides motherhood)?

Your situation def sounds frustrating. Just don't let yourself get so lonely you do something stupid.
I agree with your suggestions but I don't think it's only an issue about finding a younger man but a different man with similar interests if he is not willing to compromise. I knew someone who got married and the guy did a 180 after marriage and never wanted to leave the house and they got divorced pretty quickly. That's why I asked if he was like this before or not. Because it's not fair if he flipped the switch. But quite honestly I'm about the OPs age and I can't begin to imagine even looking at a guy that way at that age.

I forgot to include in my first post that when we were dating, I told my exhusband that I had always wanted to be a foster parent (in addition to any bio children I might have). And he said he was Ok with that. And then he totally switched up on me after we got married. Our first one was unplanned and i had to plead w/ him for the second one and he was like hell no on the issue of foster kids. And I was so disgusted!

And mine switched up in other ways too that made marriage to him unbearable. And I think it is very unfair when anyone does that.

I think something happens to men in their 40s. Plenty of fine ass 40 year old men everywhere. But once they get to 50, they are like ughhhhhh old city! LOL But I hope my opinion on that changes. LOLOL
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