I'm so sorry about the way you are feeling and have been feeling for decades. Depression is an ugly, awful and debilitating thing. I've been sad most of my life too. My parents divorced when I was ten and I have been moved around a ton. Always being the new kid in school was hard, especially with having frizzy hair and a pudgy nose, a special thanks to all of those kids who made me feel extra ugly for pointing those out.
I still get walked all over on to this date, because I have no self esteem. I never stand up for myself. I'd rather be the peace keeper and not set off any tempers or hurt anyone's feelings then to voice my opinion. That is even more depressing because people learn to get away with treating you badly. Goodbye self worth. People treat you according to how you feel about yourself.
I even have a complex about posting my opinions here about hair care. I know it's silly, but as soon as I take the time to post something, it's like the thread is diseased no one wants to reply to anything I say, lol. How silly of a thought is that? But after it happens numerous times, my mind starts to believe it.
I do hope things get better for you, I know how exactly how it feels to be lonely. At least you are smart, aren't you in grad school or something? I'm still depressed that I never went to college, I didn't think I could do it. I feel like a loser everyday because I don't feel smart…or pretty. My husband and I watch Millionaire together and he knows every single answer. Guess how many I know? 0!
I came across this as I was searching for how to feel better: http://22.214.171.124/zflmzn90e6tg/n...ries_FINAL.pdf
Don't be surprised if nobody posts after me, lol, I seem to have that effect on threads. Just yesterday, I took the time to write all about my after shower routine and the person who started the thread completely ignored it and wrote something completely unrelated. Yes, I took it personally, imagine that. I just deleted my whole page of tips and said, "nevermind".
Just know that you aren't alone. Feel free so send me a pm and I'll give you my email so I can gripe some more, lol! I'm a really good listener