Try the Tresemme naturals conditioners. They are on the heavier side. I use it for rinse out and leave in. You need to find a conditioner that keeps you moisturized. I also use some of the deep conditioners like Jessicurls deep conditioner as a leave in to when needed.
I have found no product works for me if my curls are not moisturized properly. I have also experimented with homemade flax seed gel which I love and use everyday under all my products. I have also found that removing some of the excess water from my hair and then adding my product works better for me than adding to soaking wet hair. I just spritz with a water bottle to get it to clump again if needed.
Also make sure your not protein sensitive or that will work against you to. Not having enough protein could also be your problem. Protein leaves me like straw that takes forever for me to get my hair soft again.
I strayed from CG for a few years and have just went back to it in December. I can now see how shampoo even a sulfate free one sets me back for days. Being a curly is a journey to find what works for you. Hardest part is its ever changing as well.