sKorpio - you are a valued person. People love you. People would miss you if you were dead. I am sorry you are feeling awful.

I won't say I know what you're going through. Everyone with depression is different, has a different story, has different things work for them. But I know that feeling - like you're not good enough, like you aren't pretty enough, like you aren't smart enough. Feeling like no one would care if you died. WISHING you were dead.

I was on medication for years, but in my head, I KNEW it was fake, that it was the meds making me feel ok. But it gave me the clarity to know that things CAN be better, I just have to work for it.

I started with positive affirmations. Even when I didn't feel like it, even when I didn't believe it (most of the time) I would stand in front of my mirror every day and tell myself I was smart, I was beautiful, I was loved. Every morning. Eventually.... I realized I was starting to believe myself. If I'm having a crappy day, I'll go into the washroom and repeat it and I feel better immediately.

I would go on long walks to clear my head. It's like meditation for me, I'd try to focus on what was going on around me, that I enjoyed - like the smell of wet pavement if it was raining, or the sun on my face if it was sunny.

I'm also fairly antisocial, but I would force myself to interact with my friends. I didn't make new friends, but I would make an effort not to isolate myself.

So... in short.... meditate, exercise, positive affirmations. Vent or talk to someone if you're having a bad day. Many of us have offered to help and I'm also willing to give you a sympathetic ear (well, eye).

And hug your dog. Your dog doesn't care how crappy you're feeling, they love you anyway. If you have to force yourself to get up because the dog needs you - then they've done their job.