Good points! It makes no sense to adopt the word n***er (the destructive baby monster it is) when it seems convenient, then complain when someone else uses it as they will. The old "do as I say, not as I do" argument doesn't work and never worked.
In reaction to what your friend does, I confess (as someone biracial like y'all): I reserve a special, high
place on my s**t list for biracial ppl who hurl n***er at black people
I think the reason is that I'm never quite sure whether that person is seeing themselves as just black when they say it (One Drop Ruling themselves), or if they are thinking of their own whiteness (or non-blackness) and therefore are genuinely being racist (to try and separate themselves from their black ilk). Either way though, it's both self-deprecating and
demeaning to others so it's pretty tacky. Someone multi-cultural or biracial could choose to embrace the good stuff about their heritages, rather than trash one or more. I think some of us mixed types struggle w/it, despite being relentlessly stereotyped as the future ambassadors of positive race relations. Some real pieces of work roam among us LOL
I'm confused Bobby. Didn't you say you're OK with an Italian calling another Italian D**o? Italians - especially the darker ones whose Moorish ancestry clearly shows - also suffer discrimination in the US. In fact, many in the white community still separate themselves from Italians and look down on them because they aren't seen as white enough or smart or classy enough.