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Old 09-09-2013, 11:21 AM   #76693
Fifi.G
 
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Join Date: Dec 2011
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Originally Posted by PerriP View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fifi.G View Post
Help! I woke up to several text from my freaking out friend. Do you think massage therapy would be a good career choice? No, no I don't. We do have several spa's for average Joe to rich and famous here, but think about our friend who went through the program, graduated at the top of her class, is still at her old job, and has only been able to work part time at it. Also, she's spent $$$ to keep up her cert's, for many years now. People cut out extras like that when having a harder time paying the bills. And massages are an extra in 90% of cases.

We've had this talk before. I hate it when he decided to go back to school, because he freaking hates school. He just looks at it through rose colored glasses when stressed. And no matter what you say, he gets defensive. You're 39, we both old enough to know you can still hate a job you love, pick wisely, and how is fryers being added to the kitchen of your current job corporate again?

I am at a loss.

** It really is a round and round with him. He freaks out about waiting tables at least once in a 7-10 year period, goes back to school, has a complete melt down, quits school (just like he did at 16), and goes back to waiting tables. He forgets about the cycle he has been stuck in for years. He says he couldn't live off of $12-15 an hour. I don't know what to tell him. Most jobs here don't pay major $. He's never spent his money wisely and normally doesn't worry about rent until the weekend before it's due. He used to bum it off friends so at least he's made progress. He can't work an 8-5, M-F job because he has headaches. He can't do corporate because it's uncomfortable. He calls things corporate that are not. He shoot everything down, and picks things he has no chance getting a job at. I feel like his parent, and I am not. Eeeeeee
Exhale.

I hate this type of feeling. My brother can't seem to get it together, always broke, always needing help, etc etc - and he won't even go back to school - he tried and didn't understand something, threw a fit and didn't continue - so here we are, two years later and he's in the same boat (he had a very good job with a private company but when that company closed its doors, he realized that he did need a degree/certification of some sort to be hire-able in his mid-40s).

I don't have any words of wisdom other than to remind you that your job is to be a friend, not to parent - and if it's making you crazy it's okay to NOT engage. "Let me know what you decide to do" is a perfectly acceptable response.
It's just been so many years of it, and he really is a smart guy but he says, "I can't" to everything. He says he can't work the same job anymore, he gets in school and says he can't do it, he goes back to the uncomfortable comfort zone He can have the lowest and highest (or unrealistic) expectations at the exact same time. He sets them high where he should really tone it down a bit (just because of the facts when it comes to jobs and income here), and sets everything else so very low. He can do so much more than he thinks, he just won't follow through. He's scared to. He does have issues with migraines, but at the same time he has never tried working in a different environment to see how it goes. He just assumes he can't do more than the minimum because he really doesn't want to yet he can't stand it either. He's a ball of confusion I have typically been more let me know what you are going to do, for years, but I feel like I have done him no favors. He's never had involved parents. All 3 of their kids quit school. They were never around. I really wish he would stop saying no, and at least give a maybe...

I backed away from the conversation a bit ago. I told him I loved him, he deserves more credit than he gives himself, and I know he can do more than he thinks.

And thank you, Perri He is more like family to me so... We can get brutally honest, quickly.
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Last edited by Fifi.G; 09-09-2013 at 11:29 AM.
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