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Old 09-15-2013, 12:27 PM   #20327
kairo1821
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 126
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Samanthascurlz View Post
Could you guys help me with relationship advice?

I have asked many friends, and I know no one can ever give me a direct answer since this is my life, but I feel since some of my friends know my BoyFr. it makes them a bit bias. Even though, you guys might be a bit bias too since you will only know what I tell you, but I am asking for help anyway lol.

So, I am 22 years old. Been dating my bf since I was 18. 4 years in Nov. I love him, I really do. He's sweet and a very good person-genuinely. But we have also had our problems (like any rel'ship). He has a lot of financial issues, he tends to lie a lot (little white lies, but they end up making large issues). I have an anger issue, so then we get in a fight and it becomes this blown up dramatic mess. I have given him many chances to change, but it always fails. I am trying to change so I can be more communicative with him so little things don't blow up. However, I don't feel like he has pushed up his part. My perception of our rel'ship is me putting at least 75% and him only 25%. I don't feel we have good equity either. I have spoken to him numerous times about this, but I don't feel like anything is going to change. I think it will for a little, but go straight back to the same.

I am going to be straight up honest: I feel like a 70 year old woman, who is married. It sucks. I am a senior in college, I want to have fun. Going out to dinner and then coming home at 7 o'clock isn't fun. I want to go to the club, bars, and other social events to meet people and be social. Watching TV every night isn't my idea of fun. I need higher stimulation. He's content with just laying on the couch and doing nothing, I AM NOT. I AM YOUNG. I don't want to be 60 years old and look back at my life and think: "I should have done this or that." I want to look back at my life and think I lived with NO regrets. Some of my friends are already married or having kids- I don't want to settle down. I don't want that for myself. I am not done with my education and I want to have fun while I go on with my schooling, working, and interning. If you work hard, I think one deserves to play hard as well (at least that is my philosophy, if you don't agree that is totally fine with me).

Did I tell you, my bf has no goals. He wants to be this or that, but doesn't do anything to achieve it. I have been in college since I got out of H.S, and I know college isn't for everyone, but he is always complaining about his life and how he wants something bigger. He went to Comm. College for a little, but he is not an in-depth student- barely showed up for class, never studied. He treated it like high school. But here I am, where I am very college oriented, always studying and trying to get far. I feel like he is in limbo. He is in a lot of debt for a 22 y/o. I feel bad and have been trying to help him, but what about me? I know that sounds selfish, but I don't know if I can do it anymore. But the thought of not having him in my life makes me want to cry. I love him, but I am not in love with him. I know, very cliche, but I don't know how else to explain it.

I want to date people. I want to get a bad date, a good date. I want to feel wanted. I don't feel like that anymore. I want to flirt. I want to feel like someone else thinks I am at least attractive. When I am around my boyfriend, my self-concept is very low. Now, I don't mean he says things to make me feel that way. He just doesn't increase my self-concept. I don't feel sexy around him. I feel frumpy and old quite frankly. I go to an all women's college so my prospect for males is zero, unless I can find the select few males in the grad program. But I want to to go out and meet people. I am not trying to find a husband, I am trying to have fun. I don't know, as you can read, I am extremely lost. I sound like a naive little girl with this dumb post, but I figured why not ask people who are a complete third party. So please, I ask all you curl/wavy girls to be honest with me and give me your advice. I am MORE than appreciative to hear it.

Also, if you have any other questions in regards to the dynamics of our relationship, feel free to ask.

Thank you.
From what you've written, you seem like you're unhappy and ready to move on. I can't tell you what to do but being there before I can say I wish I had listened to my feelings and did what I truly wanted to do a lot earlier. It would have saved me and him a lot of unnecessary stress. I would suggest taking some time to figure out what you want from life and your situation and making a decision best for yourself.
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