Could you guys help me with relationship advice?
I have asked many friends, and I know no one can ever give me a direct answer since this is my life, but I feel since some of my friends know my BoyFr. it makes them a bit bias. Even though, you guys might be a bit bias too since you will only know what I tell you, but I am asking for help anyway lol.
So, I am 22 years old. Been dating my bf since I was 18. 4 years in Nov. I love him, I really do. He's sweet and a very good person-genuinely. But we have also had our problems (like any rel'ship). He has a lot of financial issues, he tends to lie a lot (little white lies, but they end up making large issues). I have an anger issue, so then we get in a fight and it becomes this blown up dramatic mess. I have given him many chances to change, but it always fails. I am trying to change so I can be more communicative with him so little things don't blow up. However, I don't feel like he has pushed up his part. My perception of our rel'ship is me putting at least 75% and him only 25%. I don't feel we have good equity either. I have spoken to him numerous times about this, but I don't feel like anything is going to change. I think it will for a little, but go straight back to the same.
I am going to be straight up honest: I feel like a 70 year old woman, who is married. It sucks. I am a senior in college, I want to have fun. Going out to dinner and then coming home at 7 o'clock isn't fun. I want to go to the club, bars, and other social events to meet people and be social. Watching TV every night isn't my idea of fun. I need higher stimulation. He's content with just laying on the couch and doing nothing, I AM NOT. I AM YOUNG. I don't want to be 60 years old and look back at my life and think: "I should have done this or that." I want to look back at my life and think I lived with NO regrets. Some of my friends are already married or having kids- I don't want to settle down. I don't want that for myself. I am not done with my education and I want to have fun while I go on with my schooling, working, and interning. If you work hard, I think one deserves to play hard as well (at least that is my philosophy, if you don't agree that is totally fine with me).
Did I tell you, my bf has no goals. He wants to be this or that, but doesn't do anything to achieve it. I have been in college since I got out of H.S, and I know college isn't for everyone, but he is always complaining about his life and how he wants something bigger. He went to Comm. College for a little, but he is not an in-depth student- barely showed up for class, never studied. He treated it like high school. But here I am, where I am very college oriented, always studying and trying to get far. I feel like he is in limbo. He is in a lot of debt for a 22 y/o. I feel bad and have been trying to help him, but what about me? I know that sounds selfish, but I don't know if I can do it anymore. But the thought of not having him in my life makes me want to cry. I love him, but I am not in love with him. I know, very cliche, but I don't know how else to explain it.
I want to date people. I want to get a bad date, a good date. I want to feel wanted. I don't feel like that anymore. I want to flirt. I want to feel like someone else thinks I am at least attractive. When I am around my boyfriend, my self-concept is very low. Now, I don't mean he says things to make me feel that way. He just doesn't increase my self-concept. I don't feel sexy around him. I feel frumpy and old quite frankly. I go to an all women's college so my prospect for males is zero, unless I can find the select few males in the grad program. But I want to to go out and meet people. I am not trying to find a husband, I am trying to have fun. I don't know, as you can read, I am extremely lost. I sound like a naive little girl with this dumb post, but I figured why not ask people who are a complete third party. So please, I ask all you curl/wavy girls to be honest with me and give me your advice. I am MORE than appreciative to hear it.
Also, if you have any other questions in regards to the dynamics of our relationship, feel free to ask.